如何通过增加细节来拓展独立写作主体段中的内容？

有了解过托福考试官方指南(Official Guide)的同学都应该知道托福独立写作5分标准里面的第二条是“（文章）结构/逻辑好、内容拓展好，运用了十分合适的解释、例证、以及或者细节” (英文原文如下图显示)。

这条标准主要着重于文章内容发展(Development) 的。具体来说，它要求考生在段落内容拓展的时候要使用足够的信息点（information）例如原因、例子和细节来支撑自己所写该段的论点。ETS的作文评分员会根据考生所写的这些内容来给出一个原始分数（0-5分）。鉴于大部分同学的分数都处在Fair档，2.5-3.5分（约为17-23分 ），我们先来看看这个分数段具体的考试成绩反馈。（如下图）

从图中我们可以看出，第一个失分点就是由于（文段）没有提供足够详细的支持和拓展来证明主论点。一旦各位同学所写的段落内容缺乏之前提及的信息点（例如原因、例子和细节），就很容易被定为这个等级了。下面是一位同学所写的段落, 其中也暴露了这个问题。N.B. 划线加粗部分是需要继续拓展的单词或者概念。

First of all, workers will be more motivated with various tasks. Life’s variety adds colour to one’s life that makes it more interesting and brings joy to them. People’s enthusiasm towards new matters will then transform into their motivation for work. On contrary, if an office worker is only asked to type documents during work, his brain will get bored easily while his typing efficiency will also decrease. Because he is sitting and looking at the computer all day, health issues such as back pain, eye strain and numb legs will also develop （Irrelative）. However, these drawbacks can be avoided if he receives different kinds of tasks. (106 words, TPO 42)

那么怎样增加内容信息点有哪些呢？请先看下图

今天，我们主要来探讨一下如何运用“增加细节”的方式来给文段增加“厚度”。首先，同学们需要先熟悉一下“细节”（details）的定义、类型和功能。

01，定义（Definition）

一个细节即为一项具体的信息点。‘A detail is a particular item of information.’

02，类型（Type）

·Descriptive information (描述性信息)

·Illustrative information (例证性信息)

·Statistical information (数据性信息)

03，功能（Function）

（相关）细节的功能都是支持观点的。

今天我们的关注点是第一种—— “描述性” 信息。具体来讲就是运用‘5W1H’法对段落句子中包含的某些概念进行细化，描述出具体的内涵、特征和表现。我们再来看一下那位同学所写的段落来体会一下具体情况。（‘5W1H’: Who, What, When, Where, Why + How）

First of all, workers will be more motivated with various tasks. Life’s variety (what is life’s variety/ the variety in…?) adds color to one’s life that makes it more interesting and brings joy to them. People’s enthusiasm towards new matters (what are they? List some of the matters!) will then transform into their motivation for work. On the contrary, if an office worker is only asked to type documents during work, his brain will get bored easily (what is the direct effect of this situation?) *while his typing efficiency will also decrease. Because he is sitting and looking at the computer all day, health issues such as back pain, eye strain and numb legs will also develop (is this sentence relevant to the main point at the beginning of the paragraph?). However, these drawbacks can be avoided if he receives different kinds of tasks. (Describe the situation where workers have motivation for their work)

各位可以先思考一下如何通过不同概念的细节拓展方向来修改这个文段。

最后，各位在写段落的时候需要问一下自己以下这些问题：